Don't forget me old friends

Ok so I have been gone for what seems like forever.  I am not going to make up an excuse as to why I haven’t posted.  Instead I am going to speak the absolute truth to anyone who wants to listen; mostly to myself.  I haven’t been trying.  When I first started working out in 2010 I was alive.  I felt alive and my weight loss was showing my attitude and motivation.  I got to the point of 75 pounds lost and somewhere from point A to point B I got lost.  Last summer was the first summer where I didn’t feel like a total cow and so I let my guard down a little bit.  I would look in the mirror and smile at myself.  We were active during the summer, but I wasn’t doing really heavy workouts. 

Then in August we decided to try for another baby.  That decision somewhere in my brain made me once again let my guard down.  I didn’t want to be working out super hard while I was pregnant.  This of course is a silly notion; I can work out the whole time I am pregnant.  Anyway, in October I had attempted and succeeded in running 7 miles.  When I got home from running, I had started a miscarriage.  I was worried that my long jogging was the cause.  That was another notch down on the motivation ladder. Now it was November and I was pouting about losing the baby and I was pouting about my lack of weight loss.  I had started the downward spiral of feeling bad for myself. 

December was the holiday season and let’s be honest; I wasn’t at all keeping myself from any treat offered.  By the time the New Year had started I simply wasn’t doing anything.  I was going to the gym maybe once a week and I wasn’t logging my food or writing in my blog.  I had completely resorted back to old habits.  I had a bad attitude and was playing the poor me card too many times.  I don’t know how a person can go from losing 75 pounds to just stopping altogether?  Adam approached me yesterday and asked why?  I didn’t have an answer for him.  In my mind I was playing the same old games until I stopped myself and said I would try.

 I entered my calories on my food log yesterday and I plan on doing it again today.  I have updated my blog to let you know where the crap I have been and today I am going to work out.  I haven’t gained any extra weight but that isn’t really a good thing is it?  I still have a good 55 pounds to lose before my body isn’t considered obese anymore.  Yes I am still considered obese.  I am currently 9 weeks pregnant but that shouldn’t stop me from focusing on me once and a while.  I am hoping to not gain any weight during this pregnancy so I can start off losing weight right.  I feel better writing this; I really do.  I am going to make an effort for myself once again.  I am worth it dammit.